just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
