D3 body, D1 cock
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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