I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
