I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
