I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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