Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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