...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
