where am i from again
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
