finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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