listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Operation Purity has been aborted
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I'm really busy with my period
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