Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
