Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
