you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
