Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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