the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
