YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
