I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
