What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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