I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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