Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
