I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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