he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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