Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
