and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
