What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
