Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
