I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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