Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
