Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
