My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
