she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
