Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
