A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
