What a fucking waste of an outfit
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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