last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
