I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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