Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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