he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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