Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
