people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
