OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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