I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
