I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
