I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
