I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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