I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
