At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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