how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
that's an acceptable place to lick
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
