HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
