did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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